![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yubsieSo I decided it would be fun to do a commentary!
Title: Not the World's Greatest Babysitters
Fandom: Star Wars EU
Rating: PG. Really. :p
M>adam, your presence is required immediately at the negotiations. The delegation is threatening to walk out unless you specifically speak with them."
Leia Organa Solo, Chief of State of the New Republic, did her best not to scowl at the minor functionary who had called her at home. It seemed something like this happened on every occasion that she tried to find time for herself.
So we have a fairly generic politics eat Leia's life opening. Aka setting up the basic premise of the fic!
She knew her duty, but she also had duties to her children and she couldn't leave them alone, for they were far too young. Han, Luke and Chewbacca had left the day before to visit Lando's latest scheme; Winter was busy at an Intelligence meeting and was unreachable; Threepio hardly fit Leia's definition of a good babysitter - no, it would have to be someone else - someone she trusted implicitly. She tapped a button on the comm terminal.
"General Antilles? I need a favour of you."
And he'll end up owing her BIG ;p
"Mommy? Where are we going?" Anakin asked.
Leia smiled at her three-year-old son. "You're going to visit Wedge."
Look at me establish timeframe!
"How come?" Jaina queried.
Okay, self, what was wrong with "asked"?
"Well, sweetie, do you really want to stay with Threepio?"
"Nah uh!" Jacen insisted.
>
Jaina finished for her brother. "He's so boring!"
"Well, I thought you might like to stay with someone a little more fun and exciting while I go to my meeting."
Jacen took that as a personal insult. "Another meeting? You promised to play with us today!"
"I know, I'm sorry. It's just that these things happen. I'm sure if you asked nicely you could get Wedge to find something really special for you to do."
The children considered this for a minute. "Well, okay," the twins replied together.
As twins in fiction are wont to do
Leia pushed open the door to Wedge's office and stared at the man in the main desk chair who was spinning in fast circles. Wes Janson looked up and immediately jumped to his feet. Somewhat dizzily, Wes performed an elaborately embellished bow. "Greetings, Your Excellency. What brings you to my humble office?"
Drama queen. :p
"Hello to you too, Wes. I came to General Antilles' 'humble office' to see Wedge. Where is he? Did you space tape him to the wall again?"
"Uh, no, I'll go get him."
A few moments later Wes reemerged with Wedge in tow.
"It's not a problem. You take care of the negotiations and I'll take care of the kids."
Hmm, a few lines seem to be missing here. :p
"I'll repay you for this, I promise."
"How about some Intelligence then - was Wes sitting in my chair?"
Why did I capitalize Intelligence? Apparently because it rocksays off. :p
"We're always good!" Jaina called out as Leia walked through the door.
I, umm, think I'm missing lines again. :p
Wedge looked from one Solo child to the next. They certainly looked like their parents - he wondered exactly how much of Han's propensity for mischief they had inherited. Even though they seemed relatively well behaved when their parents were around, he suspected he was about to learn the truth. "So," he asked, "what do you kids want to do?"
"Dunno," Jacen said.
"Something interesting," Jaina added.
This babysitting thing might be more difficult than he thought. "Well then, let's think of something. How about we see if Corran will show you his lightsaber?"
This was NOT intended as innuendo! I swear! How I didn't notice, I don't know. :p
"No," Anakin spoke for the first time.
I think that comma should probably be a period. :p
"Boring," Jaina said.
"I want to!" Jacen insisted.
I swear I wasn't trying for innuendo. Especially not Jacen/Corran innuendo!
"Well then, I'll take you to see him," Wedge replied, patting Jacen on the shoulder. Then he turned to Jaina and Anakin. "I'm sure we can think of something else for you two to do. Let's see-- Jaina, you like machines, right?"
"Yeah!"
"Well then, how would you like to see the X-Wings?"
Jaina hopped from foot to foot with excitement. "Okay!"
Ships! Ships! Ships! I like machines! I have interests outside of BOYS!
"Wes will take you right now."
"I will?" Wes asked.
Wedge grinned. "Yes, you will. It'll be fun since you're what? Eight years old on the inside?"
"Hey!" Wes donned a look of wounded pride. "It's nine and you know it!"
"Just take the kid and go."
Jaina grabbed Wes's hand and proceeded to drag him out of the office.
"What about me?" Anakin asked.
Wedge pulled the littlest child into his lap. "I'm sure we can think of something."
Just be glad you're alive, kid. It won't last. :p
"Where are the ships?" Jaina asked.
Causing massive wank in Fanfiction Resource.
Wes sighed - he was going to get Wedge - oh yes he was. "They're in the hangar, this way."
And since I'm in an innuendo state of mind, here's some Wes/Wedge innuendo!
"Hey Wes! Isn't she a little young for you?"
Oh, he would get Wedge all right - right after he finished with Hobbie. "Real funny, Klivian. Come on, you're coming with me!"
And why not, some Wes/Hobbie stuff!
"Really?" Hobbie asked. "Where am I going?"
"We are going down to the hangar."
"But Wes, my X-Wing isn't fixed yet!"
It's funny 'cuz Hobbie crashes a lot!
"Well, I was planning on showing Jaina Wedge's fighter."
Jaina grabbed both their hands. "Come on! I want to see the ships!"
Oh honey, you'll have more ships than you know what to DO with in a decade or so. :p
When they arrived at the hangar, Wes lifted Jaina up to look into the cockpit. "This lever here controls what way the nose is pointed. And we use these to control how fast we go. Oh, and here's Hobbie's favorite button."
"What button is that?"
"It controls the ejection seat."
Not, apparently, the ejector seat. I remember my former Air Force beta reader correcting me on this one. :p
Hobbie stepped in and pointed to the comm. "This is what Wedge uses to tell Wes to shut up. See how worn out the controls are?"
Jaina reached out a hand. "What does this button do?"
Wes pulled her back. "Ack! Don't touch that - it fires the proton torpedoes!"
Small children have to push the dangerous buttons.
"Oh." Jaina jumped down out of Wes's arms and pulled herself up the ladder. "What about this one?"
Four laser bolts lanced out across the hangar, sending mechanics scrambling for cover. Someone called for security.
I don't think I ever did explain what happened to the security force...
"This is fun!" Jaina yelled.
"Uh, time to go, kid." Wes didn't want to be around when security showed up to investigate the disturbance.
"But I don't wanna!"
"You're coming."
"I like it here!"
And if I leave, I may NEVER get a plot!
Wes looked to Hobbie for backup. "How about we all go down to the simulators? It'll almost be like really flying, and you can push all the buttons you want."
Jaina looked from one pilot to the other, considering her options. "Well, okay, I guess. You have to fly too though!"
Hobbie grimaced. "I've got a bad feeling about this."
What? I'm writing Star Wars fic. That line is mandatory.
"General Antilles, what brings you here?" Corran asked.
"Well, I told Jacen here that you would show him some of your Jedi lightsabery stuff. As your commanding officer, I get to make those decisions."
... Wedge is apparently Corran's PIMP.
"Really? Where does it say that?"
"Starfighter Command Rules and Regulations page 2364, section C, line 14," Jacen chimed in.
"You coached him to say that!"
Wedge shrugged. "What if I did? You have fun, okay?" With that, he marched triumphantly out of the room.
"Commanding officers," Corran muttered.
Jacen grinned. "So, where's your lightsaber?"
Jacen likes his innuendo without foreplay.
Corran reached into his dresser - the lightsaber was sitting right next to the practice remote he had borrowed from Master Skywalker.
"Okay, now turn it on."
"Because it turns ME on" :p
Corran pressed the ignition stud; the silver blade appeared with its familiar snap-hiss - he tried a couple practice cuts hoping to appease the boy.
"It's an interesting colour."
So, uh, yeah...
"You haven't seen the best part yet." Corran tapped the ignition stud again, causing the blade to double in length.
I'm going to go die in a corner because I did NOT intend this to be innuendo-y.
"Hey, that's cool! Can I see it?"
"Umm, no." It was bad enough when Wes had dangerous weapons; there was no way Corran would let an actual child touch his lightsaber.
*diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies*
It didn't matter that Jacen had fought with one at the age of two. It was not a good idea.
"But Uncle Luke lets me!"
"He let you once. You can't have a lightsaber until you're a Jedi."
"Look, I don't care how messed up an incestuous your family is!"
"But I wanna!"
Corran went to put the weapon back in its drawer. "The answer is still no."
"You're no fun!" Suddenly, the lightsaber leaped out of Corran's hand and began a wobbly flight to Jacen's hand.
"You're not allowed to do that."
Jacen cheats. Get used to it. :p
The saber leapt higher into the air. "Can't stop me," Jacen taunted as only a child can.
Corran tried to jump, but Jacen jerked it out of the way. Perfect. His abilities would improve dramatically right at their most inconvenient. Corran wondered if a child that young could use the Dark Side. "This isn't funny!"
Actually, it's very funny. Because... Jacen WASN'T A SITH when I wrote this!
Jacen spun his new toy around Corran's head, just out of reach. "Why don't you take it? You're a Jedi, aren't you?"
Seriously, this is right out of the Introductory Villain Taunts textbook.
Corran attempted to jump for it with the assistance of the Force, only to be pushed back by a telekinetically propelled pillow. How could a five-year-old manage to focus for so long? This was beyond the abilities of many of the adults he knew and now Jacen was managing to divide his attention without letting the lightsaber fall. "Where's a ysalamir when I need one?"
That's right, I know the singular of ysalamiri!
Wedge found himself at a loss for ideas; never before in his life had he been so uncertain of what to do. It didn't help that little Anakin Solo was staring at him, waiting to be entertained. "What's your favorite game in the whole world?"
The Game of Life?
Anakin kicked his heels against Wedge's shins. "I like hide and seek."
"So, do you want to play that?"
Anakin shrugged. "Okay. I'll hide first. You close your eyes and count to five bazillion."
Look how cute and alive he is! :p
"Five bazillion? How about a hundred."
Anakin giggled. "No peeking!"
Wedge squeezed his eyes shut as he heard Anakin's footsteps running out of the office. "One, two, three..." This shouldn't be too difficult - after all, how many places could Anakin get to before he reached the end of his counting? "... Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred! Ready or not, here I come!"
Wes wants to institute this procedure in Wraith training. :p
The door to Wedge's office had been left wide open. He hoped that not too many of his pilots had witnessed him sitting at his desk practicing his numbers. At least Janson was safely in the hangar with Jaina. This was an incident Wes would never let him live down.
So, umm, why do I have Wedge referring to Wes differently within the same paragraph? Anyone?
Wedge glanced through an open door. There were flimsies strewn all across Gavin Darklighter's desk, but no sign of a little boy.
"What happened here?" a voice asked from behind him.
Wedge turned to see Gavin gaping at the mess. "Well, since it's your office, I thought you might tell me. When did you become so disorganized?"
"Apparently, in the last five standard minutes. I could have sworn I locked my door." Gavin picked up one of the papers. "Crayon? General, you didn't let Major Janson near my office, did you?"
"In the last five minutes? No, I sent him down to the hangar." There was only one other person in the vicinity that might use crayons for amusement. Wedge had guessed correctly, he was on the right track. "I bet he's in here." He checked under the desk.
"Who, sir? Major Janson?"
"No, not Janson." Wedge opened the closet. "Aha!"
He found only an ugly orange flight suit, no Anakin.
Who PICKED that colour, anyway?
"You're so shocked that my uniform is clean?"
"No." Wedge shifted a filing cabinet that had been placed at an angle in the corner. "How about here?"
"Umm, sir, permission to speak freely?"
Wedge is crazy.
What else might he hide in? Wedge waved a hand vaguely. "Granted."
"Why are you ransacking my office? Have you finally been pushed over the edge?"
A high-pitched giggle from outside broke Wedge's train of thought. "Never mind, this is the wrong place!" He rushed out leaving a somewhat perplexed Gavin in his wake.
Also wondering if he's supposed to be fighting a forfeit in the Starfighter Draft
A pile of packing containers briefly caught his eye, but a couple tosses quickly pushed that notion aside. Anakin wasn't hiding in any of them.
Wedge checked behind several doors and under numerous piles of rags without any success. Suddenly, he heard a series of muffled thuds above his head. "What could that be?" He hoped that the ventilation system hadn't gone haywire again; it had just been repaired recently. A horrifying realization dawned on him. "Oh please, someone tell me he's not in the air ducts!"
Well I won't be the one to tell you. I'm the commentary, not a liar.
The simulator room was deserted when Wes, Hobbie and Jaina arrived. Just as well, less potential for unintended trouble.
Wes prefers intended trouble.
"You really plan to go through with this," Hobbie asked.
Jaina rolled her eyes. "Of course he does. Are you scared?"
Ooh, Hobbie got TOLD!
"No," Hobbie insisted. "Just let me check the simulators." He reached into the last one and pulled out a large object. "Catch, Wes."
A stuffed Ewok dressed in a New Republic pilot's uniform flew towards Janson. "Not Catch, Kettch - don't you know anything?"
This joke is really bad. On the other hand, this is Wes. He got upset when Hobbie beat him to "A refresher course!" about plumbing.
"Whatever."
Wes reached into one of the cockpits to adjust the seat as far up and forward as it could go. He lifted Jaina up and helped her strap in. "Are you sure you can reach everything?"
Jaina tapped a random button. "I'm fine."
Wes adjusted one of the dials. "The intercom is set up so you can talk to me and Hobbie. Don't change anything. You remember how the controls work?"
"Yes! Are you going to get in the other one or not?"
She needs to turn that tone on Del Rey to get a plot.
"Yes ma'am." He could swear he heard Hobbie laughing in the background. Well, he'd get him yet.
Wes climbed into the cockpit and strapped himself in. Checking over the comm to see that Hobbie was ready, he selected one of the simplest training scenarios. It was a basic obstacle course with stationary targets for them to hit with their fighters' weapons. Double-checking that Jaina was all set; he pressed the button to begin. "Okay, the idea is to shoot at the red markers and not crash your ship. Think you can handle that last objective, Hobbie?"
Hey, did you know Hobbie crashes a lot?
"Cut the chatter." Hobbie shot off.
Wes looked out the 'viewport' to his side. Jaina was showing better control of her fighter than some of the teenagers that went into the Academy.
Jaina's voice came from the speaker at his left. "It's not that hard."
Also, she can kill you with her brain.
Had he said that last part aloud? Wes pushed that thought aside as he came up on the first target. He set it in his sights then pulled the trigger - twelve beams shot out towards it, four from each of the X-wings. The full dozen struck the target, causing it to blow up spectacularly. It must be beginner's luck.
Whatever Jaina had going for her, it held throughout the entire scenario. Where the girl had learned to pilot an X-wing at her age, he would never know. "You ready to go yet?"
"That's it?" Jaina exclaimed. "Don't you have anything harder?"
Jaina wants ADVENTURE!
"We could run one of the scenarios against the Empire," Hobbie suggested.
"Whose side are you on, anyway?"
I think it's obvious.
Wes almost heard Hobbie shrug. "My own. You were the one who dragged me into this."
Jaina said, "Let's make it interesting. You two can fly the TIE fighters instead of the computer."
Showoff.
There would undoubtedly be no arguing with the child. When it came to sheer stubbornness, she already had the makings of a Rogue Squadron member. "If that's really what you want, I can arrange it."
"Then hurry up."
Does this sound like someone who would put up with a love triangle for FIFTEEN YEARS?
Wes selected an open scenario in a randomly generated system. He'd let Jaina have a little bit of fun before he would bother to finish her off. She was just a kid, after all. As soon as the simulation began, he noticed that Hobbie was trying to fight his way free of the planet, as he had become trapped in the atmosphere. "Lousy TIEs."
"Don't go crashing," Wes suggested helpfully. Unfortunately, the suggestion came just a little bit too late, as Hobbie collided with a high-flying speeder and was sent spiraling towards the ground. Yet another addition to the "Hobbie Klivian's Funniest Crashes" holo.
A flash of light across the view ports caught his attention. Jaina clearly didn't appreciate being ignored. Oh, she'd get noticed all right. He whirled his fighter around and streaked off after her.
She sure seems to be putting up with ignored lately though.
"Can't catch me!" Jaina taunted. She moved around erratically in his targeting display. Finally, the box went red. He had a lock, and fired his lasers.
Jaina spun her fighter away and returned fire. She clearly didn't plan on being so easy a kill as that. They exchanged salvos, but both kept dodging. Finally, Wes scored a hit that brought down the shields of the X-wing. He had her now.
The missile-lock warning went off. "Sithspawn!" Wes barely had time to register that Jaina must have remembered that she had a proton torpedo launcher before his cockpit went dark.
Mockery? Do I hear imminent mockery?
Corran stared down at Jacen Solo. Much farther down than a mere difference in their heights could account for. The boy had grown tired of playing keep-away with Corran's lightsaber and had decided to turn his telekinetic advantage on the Jedi himself.
You know, I really wrote Jacen quite EVIL in this fic.
"Could you please let me down?" Corran couldn't believe that he was pleading with a five-year-old.
Jacen flicked the lightsaber on and off a few times. "Umm... no."
This is, like, CLASSIC VILLAIN TAUNTING!
"Jacen, that isn't a toy."
Jacen shrugged. "Never said it was."
Corran resisted the urge to kick his feet in the air. Flailing about wasn't going to get him down. On the contrary, Jacen might decide that it was entertaining and leave him hovering near the ceiling for longer. "Your uncle won't be happy when he hears about this."
"Uncle Luke isn't going to find out." A diabolical look came across Jacen's face. "So, you want down?"
SO FREAKING EVIL!
Corran was almost afraid to know what Jacen had decided would be more interesting. "Yes," he said cautiously.
"Okay." Jacen let go abruptly, sending Corran crashing downwards. By some act of the Force, or of Jacen's better judgment, he landed on the bed. In a most undignified manner, but safely nonetheless.
Something crawled up Corran's leg. He reached down to brush it off and noticed that it was soft and slimy. He glanced down at the floor... Granite slugs - why'd did it have to be granite slugs? Masses of them were writhing their way towards the bed. It was as if the floor had come to some sort of primitive life while he was distracted. Those things gave him the creeps.
Years later, Han would utter the line "Bugs. Why did it have to be bugs? I hate bugs!" I'm ahead of my time!
"What, you don't like my friends?" Jacen sounded genuinely offended.
"They're granite slugs." He didn't want to actually go out and say it.
"Ya know, fear is of the Dark Side."
Because clearly random torment isn't. :p
"I'm not afraid, Jacen. I'm just worried about having to clean up afterwards. There are an awful lot of them."
"Don't worry," Jacen assured him, "the hawkbats will help take care of that for you."
"W-what hawkbats?" Corran asked cautiously.
He got the only answer he needed from the fast approaching wing beats.
The sound of her wings?
"Oh. Those hawkbats."
Wedge stared at the ventilation grate. It would have to come off, he supposed. How Anakin had gotten it back on in the first place was beyond him. He wondered if he was even going to be able to fit in the shaft. He heaved a sigh and reached into his pocket for his multi-tool.
As he was unscrewing the cover, he heard Tycho's voice from behind him. "Wedge, what exactly are you doing?"
"Getting you to help," Wedge answered. "This grate has to come off."
Wedge isn't doing a good impression of a sane person today.
"Might I ask why?"
"Well, it would be somewhat difficult to access the air ducts with this thing in the way." It seemed obvious enough to Wedge.
Tycho shook his head and tugged at the obstacle. "I probably don't want to know do I."
Probably not.
The cover came loose unexpectedly, sending Wedge flying across the hall. He pushed himself uneasily to his feet. Getting into the vent was going to be difficult. At least there were several boxes around that could be used as step stools. "You can go in first, Tycho."
"What? In there? Why would I climb into the ventilation system?"
"Because I outrank you, and I said so. Don't make me turn this into an order."
You tell him, Wedge. :p
Tycho eyed the opening skeptically. "What possible reason could there be to climb in there?"
Why was he making everything so difficult? "Try, Winter will be mad if we don't find little Anakin."
Tycho is whipped.
Tycho chuckled. "Wedge, you mean you managed to lose the Chief of State's kid? He's only three years old, how much trouble could he possibly be?"
"Plenty." Wedge pointed to the open shaft again. "Get in."
Tycho disappeared easily through the gaping hole in the wall. Clearly, the ducts were larger than Wedge had originally thought. Perhaps this wouldn't be so difficult after all. With only a bit of a grimace, he stepped onto the unstable cargo container and hoisted himself up behind his friend.
This is a poorly designed military complex. :p
It was dark inside. Wedge instantly wished he'd thought to bring a glow rod. The only illumination inside the walls came from the unevenly spaced vents. Listening intently for any sign of the child, the two pilots crawled silently through the system. There were so many twists and turns, ascents and descents that Wedge was no longer certain what floor they were on, much less what room they were near.
Why is it designed like that? Because everything on Coruscant is built funny. Maybe they let apprentice carpenters loose like the Stud.
"Look there." Tycho suddenly spoke up.
"What is it? I just see light from another vent."
"Look more closely. The grate is missing."
Tycho apparently has amazing eyes.
"You think Anakin came this way?" Wedge wished that Corran were with him. He could use those detective skills right about now. Whatever he was doing with Jacen had to be better than this.
Yep, I's funny. :p
"It's worth a try."
Tycho jumped down into the room below, with Wedge following close behind. Wedge looked around to see where he was.
"Environmental control room." Tycho offered helpfully. "Is it just me, or is it a bit hot in here?"
"Well, I think we can safely say Anakin has been here."
He wants everyone to know. :p
Wes Janson climbed out of the simulator cockpit, utterly defeated. Quite naturally, Hobbie approached quickly to rub it in. "Well, Wes, you should be very proud."
Wes shot his friend a dirty look. "And that would be why?" Might as well let him get in whatever smart aleck remark he had planned. After all, his time would come.
"Oh Wes, I love it when you look dirty at me! But there's a child present! Remember, the one who just pwned you?"
"Well, as far as I know you're the only person in Starfighter Command to ever be shot down by a five-year-old."
"Actually, that's not true," Wes shot back. "Dragon Squadron was once ambushed by Atrillan pirates. Their race only lives for a decade, so some of them were probably five."
Wes has lots of random trivia he learns for snarky comebacks.
Whatever Hobbie had been planning as a retort, it was cut off by Jaina's insistent voice. "Would you two stop playing and let me down!"
Letting you down is Del Rey's job, sweetie.
The girl had managed to open the heavy simulator door, but seemed reluctant to jump all the way down. Wes lifted her carefully to the floor. "How did you get the door open by yourself?"
Jaina giggled. "With the Force, silly. I coulda used it to jump down, but I didn't wanna."
This is Jania, with men at her beck and call.
An idea began to form in Wes's mind. "Can you use that trick on locked doors too?"
"You mean like the one on the cookie cupboard? Yeah."
"Cookies, eh? Well, we'll make the mess hall our second stop. First we're going to play in the briefing room."
"Okay," Jaina replied.
I'll take unecessary lines for 100, Alex.
The first stop was a large storage area. Wes picked up one cargo container, and nudged a second with his foot. "Grab that, would you Hobbie?"
The dour looking man heaved the box off the floor with a grunt. "What's in this thing?"
Gratuitous Adumar reference!
Wes shrugged. "The forces of darkness."
Hobbie rolled his eyes. "Lovely. Just lovely."
"Isn't it though?" Wes grinned.
No one spared the group a second glance as they made their way to the briefing room. During his time with the Wraiths, Wes had learned that the easiest way to become invisible was to carry a box. He set down the crate so that he could point to the door.
Aren't you glad he's putting his training to good use?
"We're here. Time to work your magic, Jaina."
The little girl stared at the lock for a moment before gesturing quickly. "It's open." The doorknob slowly turned of its own accord.
Once they were safely inside the room, Hobbie eagerly set down his burden and opened it up. His jaw dropped as he inspected the contents. "It's full of..."
"Toys!" Jaina exclaimed. "Soldiers and spaceships! Neat!"
Jaina doesn't play with BARBIES!
Hobbie examined one of the soldiers. "This looks just like Wedge."
They're not dolls, they're action figures!
"Well that was the effect I was aiming for," Janson responded. "You haven't seen the best part yet."
"What's that?" Hobbie asked cautiously.
"Well we can't have an epic battle without heroes." Wes was practically bursting with excitement.
"Who are the heroes?" Hobbie asked with resignation.
Wes reached into the second crate to demonstrate. "Why, Ewoks of course."
Ewoks in a fic I wrote? Is ANYONE surprised? Didn't think so.
Corran stared helplessly around at the once pristine room that had turned into a disaster zone. The floor was alive, the air filled with hawkbats, and from the look on Jacen's face, this was only going to be the beginning.
Jacen doesn't do SHORT torture. Right Fett's random wtf daughter?
Corran cringed as the door swung open again, fearing that the boy had lured a larger predator this time. Where he could find such a creature on Coruscant was uncertain, but there was no doubt in Corran's mind that young Solo could manage it. Perhaps a zoo, or an ill-chosen pet. Jacen was disgustingly resourceful.
And evil.
"I warned you about keeping rhyscate in here. See how it attracts all manner of animals."
Corran did a brief dance of joy. It was only his wing mate, on some errand. Not a vicious monster out to tear him limb from limb. "Ooryl, old buddy, I don't suppose you could shoot me?"
You know, Corran is married at this point. I'm not sure why Ooryl is just walking into a place where Corran has a bed. I guess he stays at HQ when they're near deployment?
The Gand stared at him blankly. "Ooryl does not comprehend your request."
Yubsie doesn't blame Ooryl.
"It's simple," Corran explained. "I want you to take out your sidearm, point it at me and pull the trigger."
"That course of action would be unwise."
"I'm a Jedi," Corran insisted. "I can change the energy, you know that."
Jacen waved a small hand. "You don't want to shoot him."
Ooryl shook his head. "I don't want to shoot you."
So that was the game he wanted to play? At last, an area of Jedi training that Corran had mastered. The boy had just made his mistake. "You will shoot me."
"I will?"
"Yes, you will," Corran repeated in a flat tone.
Jacen wasn't about to give up without a fight. "You have pressing matters to attend to."
"Excuse Ooryl, there are pressing matters to be attended."
What was wrong with "There are pressing matters to attend to", I'm not sure. Ooryl's syntax is a pain.
"Jacen, give it up," Corran implored. "I'm a master of the Jedi mind trick; you can't win."
Confusion flickered through Jacen's presence. "Jedi mind trick? You mean that thing that never works on Mom and Dad? I wasn't using it."
Well Ooryl's lines made sense from a "Corran, you're on CRACK" point of view.
"It would seem the documents I need aren't in here." With that, Ooryl turned around and walked away leaving Corran once again alone with Jacen and his minions.
That's right, Jacen has MINIONS! NExt... the gestapo.
Wedge rolled up the sleeves of his uniform. "Well, we have a bit of a dilemma on our hands now."
"What dilemma would that be?" Tycho asked.
"Should we go after Anakin or repair his handy work? If it's this hot, we're going to have a hard time."
"Is that all? It's fairly simple to solve." Tycho pressed a button on the console. "Tech team to Environmental Control."
Really Wedge, don't you know to solve your problems by making other people deal with it? What kind of general ARE you?
Wedge smiled. "Of course. I was just testing to see if you're ready for your next promotion."
"Sure you were. Let's keep looking. The techies will be able to figure out what the problem is for themselves."
Yeah Tycho, I wouldn't believe him either.
Wedge looked down the corridor to either side of him. Which way would Anakin have gone? If only he knew what the kid was trying to accomplish, he might have some idea where to keep looking. He found himself again wishing for Corran's expertise. Tracking down fugitives had always been his specialty. "Well, it can't be that hard. Just look for the disaster area," he said with false confidence.
"Listen," Tycho admonished.
The sound of running water filled the air. "It's coming from the 'fresher."
It was as good a clue as any other. Wedge and Tycho ran towards the source of the sound, nearly slipping on the wet floor. One of the faucets had been left running, and there was water splashed all over the walls. Most importantly, there were small watery footprints leading away from the room.
No, I'm not sure what Anakin was doing. Do you REALLY want to know?
"Follow that trail!" Wedge ordered. Anakin wasn't going to get away this time.
The two pilots ran down the hallway, intensely focused on the floor. Wedge was so focused on his mission that he nearly ran right into a door marked "Authorized Personnel Only."
"Well this can't be right," Tycho said.
Wedge ran his military ID through the scanner. "I wouldn't put it past him."
A mechanical voice said, "Approved, General Sillyface."
Well he's three. Three year olds aren't known for their maturity.
Tycho raised an eyebrow. "I retract my objection. This is the right place."
Wedge looked around. "Where are we, anyway?"
"Don't you recognize this place? It's the Starfighter Command central planning area."
Was that the best military jargon I could come up with? ICK.
"As in, the place that the orders for every fighter squadron in the New Republic comes from?"
Tycho nodded.
And they'd set Anakin loose here? The galaxy was about to be in a lot of trouble.
Anakin would be better than Del Rey. :p
Piloted by an Ewok, the X-wing took off with stately grace. Certain of its destination, it flew through the air to it's place in the formation.
*cringe* WRONG ITS! How did this get by me, two beta readers and the archive reviewers?
"Atta girl," Wes said cheerily. "Now just hold it until I can tie it in place."
Jaina's eyes remained focused on the toy starfighter, which wobbled only a little as Wes climbed onto the table. It had never occurred to him just how useful a Jedi's skills could be for his pranks. She had already threaded the thin wire through the rafter, leaving only the actual knot up to him.
Jedi would be a lot more fun if they would actually do stuff like this.
"Is that the last of the ships?" Hobbie asked wearily.
Jaina glanced into the box. "Yep."
"Now that we don't have to stand on the table, we can set up the ground troops on it."
"And there's still no one nearby?"
Jaina stared off into the distance. "No one."
Jaina is teh useful. :p
She was definitely a useful person to have around. Wes began removing toy soldiers from the villain crate. The vast majority of them were models of Wedge, but there were various other heroes of the New Republic scattered throughout.
Jaina held up a Luke Skywalker figure. "Lift that rock! Okay, now lift another one. No, don't throw them at your brothers! Stop using the Jedi mind trick on ranking politicians! Have you memorized all the members of the old Jedi Order yet?"
I think having action figures of relatives would be really creepy. :p Also, Luke, there's plenty of time for her to do that when she's stuck at Taco Bell.
Wes grinned and reached for one of the many Wedges. He shook the figurine and lowered his voice to mimic his commander. "Stop napping during mission briefings! That cloak is not part of the dress uniform! Couldn't you at least act fourteen or fifteen? Is that a games datapad?"
Jaina giggled. "He can't be as bad as Uncle Luke."
Wes shook his head. "You have no idea. The Ewoks must teach them both a lesson!"
"Is it just me or do these mostly look like Lieutenant Kettch?" Hobbie asked.
"I should hope so," Wes snorted. "I had them special ordered."
Jaina carefully set a ring of Ewoks encircling the Luke Skywalker toy. Hobbie arranged rank upon rank of identical Wedge dolls on the march. Wes carefully leveled small plastic spears before setting the Ewok warriors in opposition to them. They worked quickly, since Wes wasn't sure how much longer the briefing room would be deserted, all the while hoping that Wedge would be the first to see the inspired display.
He's very proud of his art.
The three conspirators stepped back to admire their handiwork. It was certainly an impressive battle scene.
"Is it time for cookies now?" Jaina asked.
Jaina can has cookiez?
Jacen looked right into Corran's eyes. "You asked for ysalamiri, right?"
Corran grimaced. He hadn't meant for the child to hear that comment. He dreaded whatever retribution Jacen had in mind. "What if I did?"
Fear will keep the local systems in line! Fear of Jacen setting their planet on fire!
"Well, I can't get you a ysalamir, but I think I found something from the same planet."
Corran knew a lot about the creatures from Myrkr and He didn't particularly want to encounter any of them. "No, I never asked. I'm managing perfectly fine without any ysalamiri. No need for anything here."
Jacen's gaze pierced deeper beneath the surface. "You," he paused briefly for emphasis, "are a terrible liar."
"I'll ask you again. Where is the Rebel base?"
"You really think so?"
"Yep. My friend really wants to meet you."
"Yeah, I'll bet he does," Corran muttered.
Jacen opened the door with a wave of his hand. A snarling predator leapt through and immediately began stalking Corran.
I say leapt now, and leaped before. Would it kill me to be consistent?
What were the odds of a full-grown vornskr being on Coruscant?
Pretty high. Because it's funny.
"You're supposed to be Corellian. Why are you worrying about odds?" Jacen quipped.
The little pest had been reading his mind. Corran's attention was rapidly brought back to more immediate concerns than Jacen overstepping Master Skywalker's boundaries.
He should have worried about it now, nip it in the bud.
As it jumped at him, Corran noticed that the vornskr was missing its tail. That meant it must be one of Karrde's. Sometimes he thought his old dislike of smugglers was justified; clearly, they weren't all right in the head, keeping such dangerous animals as pets.
"They hunt using the Force, ya know."
"You don't say," Corran said, his voice dripping with enough sarcasm to make Han Solo jealous.
It wasn't enough to impress Han Solo's elder son. "You should be nicer. He isn't going to hurt you if you're nice to me."
Oh, why didn't we see the early warning signs?
"Are you threatening me?"
"No." Jacen petted the vornskr.
He's like a James Bond villain with his stroking kitty!
"Might I remind you that I'm a fully trained Jedi Knight and you are not?"
"Might I remind you," Jacen mimicked, "that I have a lightsaber and you don't?"
How did I not notice I was writing him as PURE VILLAINOUS EVIL?
It just seemed to keep coming back to that.
"Anakin?" Wedge called out. "Anakin, come out. You win. You're just too good a hider."
The only answer was the beeping of a thousand consoles that controlled every New Republic starfighter in existence. Consoles that could start a war. Consoles that Anakin had somehow gained access to. "Come on kiddo, this isn't funny. It's time for you to come out now."
"I'll give you cookies," Tycho tried.
Yep, bribery's gonna work.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
"Anakin!"
"You've gotta catch me!" Anakin's tiny voice echoed throughout the heart of Starfighter Command.
Wedge still couldn't tell where the boy was, so he turned in a random direction. "Anakin?"
"You're not very good at this game, General Sillyface," Tycho needled.
If I recall, there was initially some confusion about who said this line. :p
Wedge turned around. "Isn't that insubordination?"
Isn't that how the Rogues WORK? :p
A twinkle came into Tycho's eyes. "You're the one who pulls rank all the time. I wouldn't know."
"That kid is worse than Wes!"
"Now, now, let's not go saying anything we can't take back," Tycho warned.
"At least Wes's mother isn't my boss."
The monitors all suddenly started flashing the words "Transmitting Orders". Wedge ran over to try to find out what those orders were exactly. They included a new flight maneuver called the Antilles' Wedge that mostly seemed to involve spinning around in circles. Worse, Nova Squadron had just been instructed to use the maneuver while dropping confetti bombs on the capital of Bothawui. The Corellian groaned. "Fey'lya's going to have my head on a platter!"
Tycho nodded. "Garnished with little sprigs of greenery."
Tycho's a sympathetic guy.
Wedge rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the vote of confidence. Now, you look for Anakin while I try to recall these orders."
Tycho wove his way between the consoles calling out, "Anakin, it's time to come out. You wouldn't want Winter to find out you've been bad."
Tycho's TELLING!
A message appeared on the screen informing Wedge that "General Sillyface" did not have the authority to revoke the orders. Wedge cringed as he realized that Anakin had used his name and access codes. Ackbar was going to kill him too.
Come to think of it, if he didn't catch Anakin soon, Leia might strangle him, Dark Side or no Dark Side
It's a Wedge death extravaganza! (Let's not give Del Rey any ideas).
"Cookies?" Jaina asked.
"Cookies," Wes agreed.
Hobbie heaved a martyred sigh. "Cookies."
You'd think they'd just told him it was poison time!
Even reluctant agreement was good enough for Wes, especially since he knew that Hobbie would rapidly warm up to the idea. "Well then, what are we waiting for?"
Jaina likes this line. She can use it!
Jaina skipped ahead of them. "Which way is it?"
"Turn right at the corner," Hobbie offered. "No, the other right."
Flying is easy. Left and right are hard.
The mess hall was usually deserted this time of day, and today was no exception. No one bothered to stop the small group as they found their way into the kitchen.
"Where are the cookies?" Jaina asked.
"Well, unless Wes has been coming in here without me, there should be a jar of them in that cupboard over there."
Hobbie is worried Wes has been cheating on him with cookie dates?
Wes opened the door, and watched in shock as the cookie jar levitated to the nearby table.
I'm not sure why he's in shock. Jaina just spent their last scene levitating toy ships! Oops. :p
"Where is that kid when you can't reach the datacard with your X-Wing codes on it?" Hobbie teased.
His what now? This was my attempt to find an equivalent to car keys. :p
"With Uncle Luke learning how to do that," Jaina responded.
Wes was pretty sure that this was not the intended use for Jedi powers, never mind that it was the most practical one.
I'm all for practical use of the Force.
Luke Skywalker might be a hero, but he wasn't really all that much fun. "Well, looks like he did something right. Don't know what he was thinking when he put Wedge in charge of Rogue Squadron though."
Hobbie pulled the cover off the ceramic container. "It's empty!"
THE HORROR!
"What? Who stole the cookies? They must be found!"
"Wes, I'm hungry," Jaina complained.
That wasn't good. Wes knew what it was like to try to function on an empty stomach since his commanding officer made him do it all too often. Wedge just didn't understand that feeding the pilots should be the highest item on any priority list; pre-flight meals should always supercede mission briefings. "Well, then we have to do something about that."
Wes gets along rather well with small children. :p
Hobbie appeared deep in thought. "There might be a solution."
"Really, what is it?" Wes asked.
"Well we could always..." Hobbie stopped and grimaced. "Try to make the cookies ourselves."
Oh Hobbie. Think THEN speak.
Corran backed away from the vornskr, acutely aware that his path was rapidly taking him towards a corner. It didn't help that Jacen just stood there, flicking Corran's lightsaber on and off.
"Stop that," he insisted.
You're being FAR too evil for a five year old.
"You're scaring my friend, you know."
Silently, Corran shot the impious child a dirty look, hoping that word of his being forced into a corner would not get out. Offhand, he could think of at least fifteen people who would never let him live it down.
Only fifteen? Mirax, Mara, twelve in Rogue Squadron ALONE, Booster, Face...
The familiar voice of one of those fifteen called out, "Sturm! Here Sturm!"
Mirax entered the room, took one look at Corran and immediately burst out laughing. "What did you do to make Sturm so mad?"
"I didn't do anything!" Corran flailed his hands back and forth.
Jacen turned off the lightsaber and tossed it into the air. "He wasn't being very nice!"
Manipulative brat. :p
Mirax caught the weapon neatly and glared vibroblades at Corran. "What were you thinking, letting a child his age have this?"
Mirax doesn't like Corran letting ANYONE else touch his lightsaber.
"But, but..." Corran stammered.
"You should know better," Mirax continued. "Look at that cute little face. Don't tell me you want to see him get hurt."
Cute. Sure, Jacen was a future Sith Lord, but he was a cute future Sith Lord, so it didn't matter to Mirax. "But he-"
I want to reiterate that when I wrote this, JACEN WASN'T A SITH.
Mirax held up a hand to stop him. "I don't want to hear it, CorSec. I bet he wouldn't cause you any trouble if you found something to entertain him." She turned to the boy. "So Jacen, what are you in to?"
Evil, conquering the galaxy, torturing people, dissociating from my family...
He shrugged his small shoulders. "I like lightsabers."
And innuendo.
"So you do," Mirax laughed. "What else?"
"Animals. I really like animals." Jacen reached down and scratched behind Sturm's ears.
Mirax crouched down. "Do you know who has some really neat bugs? Face from Wraith Squadron. How about you ask Corran to take you for a visit?"
"'Kay. Corran, will you take me? Please, please?"
The look in Mirax's eyes made him certain that he didn't actually have a choice. "Sure, Jace."
You know, considering Corran's interactions with Bror Jace, I don't think he would call Jacen by that nickname.
"That wasn't so hard, now was it? You boys play nice, you hear."
The three of them left the room together, but Mirax quickly separated to return Sturm to Karrde. It was only then that Corran realized that she still had his lightsaber.
Mirax ALWAYS has Corran's lightsaber. :p
TO BE CONTINUED
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-06 06:06 pm (UTC)Oh, I know. He was playing in the water. Having seen, firsthand the power of a three year old playing in a sink while supervised, I can imagine what a 3yo WITHOUT supervision could do.
Scary.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-07 01:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-07 04:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-07 05:09 pm (UTC)And there is just nothing scarier than trying to cross an icy street with a dozen three year olds. :p
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-07 10:12 pm (UTC)I suddenly feel extremely jealous of your amazing writing ability because, though you joke about it, this is actually a great fic. And it deserves to continue getting reviews because it's a great fic.
In fact, it's probably one of my favorite fanfics of all time.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-11-07 10:56 pm (UTC)Aww, thanks.